(Re-posted and edited personal blog written in November 2006.)
Alone in my quiet moment with God, I settled myself on bed. A headphone was tucked on my ears, enjoying one of Hillsong's albums lent by a brother in my choir. I adore Hillsong Music. I find myself patronizing their music more. I think I'll grow old having their songs sealed on my lips.
There's one issue glued on my mind. Faith. How much faith do I have for God?
The question led me to the faith I have on the material things I use everyday. I thought of my confidence on these things, how I trust each one will serve me according to its specific purpose. The faith in shampoo and soap to clean up the dirt; the faith on clothes I wear to make me look good; the faith for comb to untangle messy hair. The list is too long to mention everything.
I have faith in God. But honestly, it's a faith that wavers all the time. When dipped in a hot, bubbling barrel of test which seemed like impassable for my carnal mind, I doubt the help God promised me. The amount of faith I have for the material things and human beings around me is bigger than the faith I have for God. Pathetic. Yet, the truth speaks for itself. I don't doubt the adequacy of material things to gratify me. But with God, I have a half-baked faith. It's not absolute. It's a faith supplemented with doubts and fears.
I am not comparing God with earthly things. My God is incomparable. All I desire is to have faith in Him. A faith enveloped in full confidence and assurance. A faith like I give my chair at work to support my whole body all throughout the day. A faith I have on food to satisfy my cravings. Faith on a chilled bottle of water to quench my thirst. Sounds too easy, effortless. He asks me the same faith, even if the size is only as tiny as a mustard seed.
My mind says the faith my heart desires to have for God is impossible. But His Word says, with God, all things are possible. I believe in the Word.
My faith in God is developed in time through sufferings, pains, trials, tests, afflictions. It is not an overnight project. It is something I have to learn, re-learn. Take, re-take. I will never have faith without going through dark seasons of life. In my darkness, there I see God's love shining down on me, His abounding grace covers me. My faith increases. My faith perfected.
I pray and ask for a renewed, unshakable faith. A faith that never doubt nor fear. An absolute faith. A faith that surrenders everything to my Father, come what may. A faith that proudly says "You are my Almighty God. In You, everything I trust."
(10 years after I wrote this blog, my faith in God has grown and is still growing. There are bits in my life where I have a hard time giving in. Despite my little faith on these areas, my Father, always, always, lavish me His unwavering faithfulness.)
"Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you."
If that is how God clothes the grass of the field, which is here today and tomorrow is thrown into the fire, will he not much more clothe you, O you of little faith?
Jesus turned and saw her. "Take heart, daughter," he said, "your faith has healed you." And the woman was healed from that moment.
"Yet he did not waver through unbelief regarding the promise of God, but was strengthened in his faith and gave glory to God, being fully persuaded that God had power to do what He had promised."
Blooming in Grace,