Thursday, December 13, 2018

Bohemian Rhapsody: Poem of A Lost Son

My heart aches. As I write this blog, my heart feels like it's being stabbed, it hurt so much as my tears are racing down. I don't know where to start or how. But I guess I have to go back to what happened minutes ago. 

I was reading Psalm 13. David started this Psalm with a question, "How long, LORD?" (NKJV)

My heart and mind have been diverted to my deep appreciation and the feeling of profound grief after my husband and I watched the movie "Bohemian Rhapsody" last weekend. I never knew how much I love this band (specifically Freddie Mercury) until that moment. These past days, vibrating speakers were blasting Queen's songs consumed our house. I was soaking in Queen's nostalgia.

I grew up listening to the Queen's songs. Love of My Life was my favorite karaoke song, 'til to this day. Bohemian Rhapsody was my most favorite song for many, many years. It became the theme song of my life as I discovered and learned the world around me as a teen and in my early adulthood. I didn't really care to find out what the band members looked like. I just loved their music. Never heard or know anything about Freddie's dilemma as a private and public profile. Never seen videos of him performing. None. Everything to me about Queen was pure audio. I embraced their music.

The capacity of my admiration of Queen soared a hundred times after I watched the movie. But this time, it's more of the people involved than the music, Freddie particularly. There was a scene in the movie where I was not able to suppress my tears. Tears just kept flowing when Freddie told his bandmates that he has AIDS. It was heartfelt. It was pure. It was brave. It was a moment that seemed like a colossal defeat, but it actually was the opposite. It was a moment of triumph for him as he exposed to the people who matter most in his life what he's going through. It was a moment of victory where love knitted back together the once was broken friendship. Love in that moment has won. Love was victorious.

Music had been embedded in his veins even before he was born. He was one of a kind. He knew it and lived on it. As a person, he was gifted with a divine heart that his friends cannot turn their back at him even after he messed up.

It broke my heart to know and see such a beautiful human being oozing with passion, talent and heart had to go so soon. I have my "why" and "what if" moments until now. Why nobody has introduced him to the love of the Father God for him? "Father wound." That's what I think is the major reason why he got sidetracked along the way. If only he knew that only His Father in heaven can fill up the void he felt in his heart, things would have been so different. What if he is still alive today and has already received the Lord Jesus as his Lord and Savior? I bet every time he opens his mouth to sing are words of praises to Him who loves him the most. Can you imagine "the" Freddie Mercury singing songs about God's amazing grace? I totally can! Millions and millions of hearts are impacted. 

I love Freddie. His passion, his talent, his personality, most of all, his heart. I didn't know I have this kind of admiration for him. I never thought I could be impacted this much after all these years being oblivious to his career. It's weird to feel this great loss. It feels like I lost a family member or a very close friend. It's painful. I even asked God why am I having such deep emotion?

As I read Psalm 13, I told myself, "If only Freddie has read this as he was experiencing emptiness and brokenness. If only. We will still have him to this day enjoying the gifts given to him." After I read the passage, I was overwhelmed with this sense of urgency and burning passion in my heart to pray for all the amazing talents in the music industry. There's no time to waste. I obeyed. I prayed.

May there will be no more talents lost because they feel that life's gift to them is emptiness despite of the deafening praises of men. May they all find themselves wrapped in the love of the Father God. May they all know how loved they are by the One who fearfully and wonderfully created them. This world cannot afford to lose one more amazing person because of feeling unloved, unwanted, not enough. Doesn't matter if one lives in the limelight or in the dark corners of the streets. Everyone needs to know and experience the kind of love that each one of us is yearning for. When we allow the love of the Father to cover us from the imperfections of the world, all wounds of the past will be mended and perfectly healed. In the Father God's arms, there is no father wound, only the Father's perfect love.

Love live the Queen!

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